After all that I have done for you... this is what I get.  You said on your last xanga entry that the "only" people that supported you were " EISEN, AIDA, IONA, GILBERT, RALIZA, RYAN, TITA ANNA AND THATS IT".  Wow, thank you very much for making me feel like shit.  All I asked was for you to tell me what was going on and you give me nothing... just a text.  You say that these are the only people who are happy for you... well, maybe it's because THEY KNOW THE SITUATION!  You obviously felt that it was necessary for you to leave me out because you automatically thought that I was just going to give you advice.

 

You know... I NEVER ONCE COMPLAINED TO YOU... when you would call me and just start asking for help.  YOU never called and said "Hi Ate, how are you?"  No, it was always..."Ate... I don't know what to do".  I was there for you every single time!  I took my time to help you out and guide you.  DID YOU FORGET... that I WAS THE ONE you called that one time at midnight crying about Jon.  And wasn't it ME who called Jon up to clear things up between you two.  I took his negative attitude and turned it around.  I helped you guys come to an understanding.  I LISTENED TO YOU EVERY SINGLE TIME.  And the ONE time I ask about you... you just slap me in the face.  I have always been there for you Hazel.  You know that you had me to go to.  But I guess it wasn't enough.  You only chose to talk to me when you wanted to.  I'm not your friend Hazel, I'm your Ninang.  Don't expect me to call you everyday to check up on you or expect me to hang out with you.... but do expect for me to care about you!  I am so hurt by your actions.  It's so easy for you to tell the world your life, but you cannot even call me... it never stopped you before!

 

Well, here it is... this is how I feel about your situation... since you will probably not call me after this e-mail.

 

Hey, if you want to move to Vegas, then move.  If you think that's going to make you happy, then go reach for that happiness.  Just know.... If you leave without telling your parents, then you are just going to hurt them.  Yeah, you are 21... but what do you have to show for?  You have not finished your AA, you do not have a stable job, and you just got back with Jon.  Do they even know that you are with him?  Your parents love you and by you packing up your bags and leaving them will only HURT THEM.  At least get some blessing from them... they raised for the last 21 years and this is what they get at the end?  You think I don't know... I DID THE SAME THING WHEN I WAS YOUR AGE.  At the age of 20 I had left my family because I couldn't take it anymore.  I HAD NOTHING... I had two jobs and tried to go to school.  The worst thing about it all is that I HURT MY FAMILY.  My own father couldn't even look at me without turning away and start crying.  MY DOG HAD DIED and I didn't even know until I went back home.  I wasn't there for them... I made it worst.  It was the worst thing I could have ever done to my parents and my sister.  I didn't learn anything from moving out... only that it was hard to keep up with ALL THE BILLS and all the responsibility.  I felt bad because Lan had to drive me everywhere.  I know he didn't mind, but I was asking too much! Luckily my parents did accept me back in the house, but I still felt guilty.  Why are you running away?  You guys seem like the excuses you are making are valid.  You make San Diego look bad so that it will give you a reason to leave.  You think you won't have problems in Vegas?  If you can't survive here... what makes you think you will survive there?  It's the same thing... just a different area code.  Why don't you fix your life here first before running away to a "new" city.  People are people Hazel... they don't change when you move.  We will always have problems... it's just up to us whether we let them get to us.

 

I don't know if you know this... but Lan and I did live together before we got married.  We lived together for 6 months.  I thought it was great... until I found out that as a Catholic...if I am cohabiting with my fiance, then I am acting upon a sin.  I was not allowed to receive Communion.  How could I not go to church for 9 months before my wedding.  I was basically contradicting my faith and my reason for getting married in the church.  Fortunately, Lan understood my situation and we both decided that I would move back with parents and he would move back with his.  Cohabiting with your fiance is just like playing house.  It's not a real marriage... you are just pretending that it is.  It is not going to make your relationship stronger.  Marriage is a very sacred thing and by moving in with your boyfriend is only sinful.  I only wish I had stayed home during those 6 months... at least I would have save the money that I spent for RENT! 

 

I am only telling you this because I was your Confirmation Sponsor.  The day you got Confirmed you made a promise to yourself and God that you would live a Christian life.  I know that I have made MANY MANY MANY MISTAKES, but I've learned from them.  And for being your sponsor... I can only guide you towards a Christian lifestyle.  I'm not telling you what's right and wrong... you do that for yourself.  I can only express how I feel and it's up to you how you take it.

 

If you decided to still move to Vegas, then that's your decision. I just couldn't help but tell you how I feel before you leave.  In all the comments I had left you on your Xanga... I just said that I was curious about your decision.  Why couldn't you just respect that... is it because you don't respect me?

 

You know Hazel, I don't even feel appreciated.  I don't even remember you ever thanking me when you came to me for help.  You would just call and say goodbye after I was done giving you my two cents.  It would always bother me, but I didn't let it affect the way I felt about you.  I know that you are still trying to understand life and yourself.... BUT HAZEL.... EVERYONE STILL DOES THAT!  Everyday we try to find the answers to our questions.  We just need to stop and look at the big picture... BY YOU MOVING TO VEGAS, WILL YOUR LIFE BE ANY DIFFERENT?  Yes, it will now consist of rent, water bills, electricity bills, cable, school tuition, car insurance, car payments, food, find a new job, etc.  And to think... you could use that money to pay for school, your wedding, your future house.  If you stay at home... you can finish your education.  If you move out... school and work will not be your only responsibility.  It's your life Hazel... I'm not the one who tells you how to live it.  You do that on your own.  Just don't block out the facts. 

 

 

y can't i just live my life for me. i know GOD gave up on his life for each and everyone of us. but GOD also wants us to be happy. and for ur 411...i'm not running away. because if i was running away why would i tell people about the decision i'm making. if i was running away, i would just pack my bags and leave. but i'm not, i'm moving because i want a better oppurtunity in my life because i know this can help me become a better person. and YES my parents know that we are together and they can't do nothing about it because i'm old enough to make my own decisions now.

 

well okae i'm going now. laterz. bye. have a great week. i have a test tomorow for math. gotta get cracking on those books. bye. muahz.

 

p.s.

my relationship with JOHN is going pretty well. and i'm darn happy about it. nothing will stop us from loving each other now.

 

<3. jozel